I guess digging in the dumpster for leftovers and rotting bodies isn't the ideal place for me to be searching for the best out there. I guess I just feel like, whenever I go into a gold mine, the prizes are already reserved for a girl more deserving than I and all I feel is heartbreak and longing to be the princess to meet her prince. But I guess I feel I have better luck searching the castle grounds for the scrap and street rat that I might be able to dress up and at least pretend he's some sort of prince. That's better than nothing, right?

Come here little rat, let me make you my prince. Let me put a top hat on your lice infested head and a suit on your manging body. Let's tie a ring to your tail and put shoes on your paws. I've even attached stilts to your feet so you may be as tall as me. I know you're just a rat, but you're almost human enough to kiss, touch, and make love to- I love you my little rat prince. Let's be happy forever.

Protection

The wolf with a desierable smile hungrily murmured my name with a lustful raspy sound. He breathed deeply into my ear and tugged gently on the shoulder of my shirt. I tried to pull out from under his grip but his right arm locked me back-to-chest with him. As he continued to whisper my name into my ear, my head filled with delerium. My eyes shut and all I could hear was his panting and heaving. My hair fell around my face as my head dropped slowly to my chest and I felt my strength leak away. I kept trying to pry his arm away from me, but with each breath into my ear, my head swam into a unconscious -like state.

I wake up. Clothes stripped. Blood trickling down my arm and chest. Him laying next to me with a satisfied grin covered in blood. You had your feast. And now you've had your fill of me, that's all I was good for.

Why didn't I stay off the streets without streetlights? I guess it's best you do move along now, if nothing than for my own protection from another violent attack.

Red.

Scarlet was the color of her hair, it was the color of her round lips, it was the color painted on her nails, it was the color of her dress, it was the color of her shoes, it was the color of her necklace, it was the color of the lace undergarments. It was the color of the blood in her veins, it was the color of her lustful heart, and it was the color that was her name.

Her eyes were icy grey unless she cried, which she did every night. As the moon rose and her eyes bulged with tears, like a gloss, her eyes were glazed in a crystal blue, but no one ever saw those rarities.

Scarlet rubbed her sore sides with ointment where finger-shaped bruises wrapped around her torso and down her back. She flinched, cursed quietly, and continued rubbing the thick cream-colored medicine over her marks of shame.  Tired from the previous night, the evening lady slathered skin-toned cream under her eyes and re-applied the shadows, liners, and lashes. She blinked twice and forced her seductive smile that hid her pearly whites. As she held the mask in place, her muscles ached around her mouth and she let it down. Her fist came down hard on her bathroom counter as her whole façade fell to pieces as tears began to well-up. Her head hung below the mirror’s cynical reflection, out of sight. She clinched her eyes tight, sucked in a deep breath and held it, counted: 1-2….3. She lifted her head high into the face of her reflection and forced her mask back and stood tall in her heels, sucked another deep breath and let it out slowly and steadily through her teeth. Her hair fell perfectly around her neck and layered around her petite bosom. Her ruby locks turned a flame white as the lights poured around her head. Like a halo, she felt as if she could see an angelic light behind her, but as she turned, she only saw her shadow, dark and lurking behind her.

Despite her appearance, she was no prostitute. Her love for the color red was purely preference, nothing more. She even had a true love at one point in time. The bond was tight, strong, and everlasting- at least that’s what she believed.

Now, she walked the streets that had no streetlight. She walked amongst the wolves and knowingly she wore her red garbs. One or two would snap her heels, but she hardly flinched. She merely stepped to the side and continued down the street. She became a quick target and like her shadow, danger lurked behind her.

“My name is Terrence.” His grin, crooked, yet seductive. “What is a beautiful creature as yourself, wandering these nasty hollow alleys?” He quirked his dark eyebrow and Scarlet became enticed with his mischievously glimmering green eyes.

Tought Night

I really miss Beau tonight.

Let my spirit free...
Sorrow in the purest form
Borrow

I miss Emery, Anberlin, The Used, Cailou, anime-Saturdays, video games, magic, architecture, museums, laughing, celtic thunder, LOST, wendys, jasons deli, whataburger, concerts, loving each other...

I'm too tired to cry tonight, but my heart sure hurts. Oh Beau, how I wish I could go back and erase myself from this picture so there'd be nothing left to miss.

The Vegas Woman

Why do you get to move on to the next thing?

Why do you get to be happy again?

Why do you get to have the fun of anticipation?

Last night, I even tried my luck at the slot machines.

I tossed my token to him and pulled a lever with a question:

Coffee?

As the machine halted to a slam and stop,

He laughed out loud.

No win, but thanks for playing.

I tried again on two more machines and they both

laughed out loud at me.

No win, but thanks for playing.

Will I ever get my second chance

To even be your friend? Probably not.

I want to hate you, but can't.

Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I wanna believe in
Cos I got time while he's got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

His best days will be some of my worst
He finally met a man that's gonna put him first
While I'm wide awake he's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos he's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got her heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while he's got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Girl.

It's too late, it's too late now,

To pry away, to pry away.

My candle burns on both ends,

So where does it leave us?

Standing emptier than we ever left you,

With your head in the water it's getting harder to breathe,

So stand up, stand up.

It's too late to pry away. (x2)

Don't get me wrong,

I'm just as scared as you are now.

They dropped us off here with no direction,

But you never even tried to fight the current.

Watch the water pouring faster into your lungs,

So breathe in, breathe in.

It's too late to pry away. (x2)

But it's hard to hear me when you're sinking

Swim here, I wanna see you,

Wash it down, wash it down.

How can you sleep here? I bear the weight of your world

I don't believe in a single word you sold to me.

I bear your burden, for the last time,

I swear I'm done with all of this.

It's too late, to pry you away from the undertow,

I watch it take you, then I walk away.

___________________________________________________________

I love the fact

Your words never have to be spoken

For me to understand perfectly what you mean.

It makes communication quiet easy.

I remember the first song you spoke to me:

You're not alone, there is more to this I know,

You will make it out, you will live to tell.

Was that a wonderful foretelling

of my future with you?

Because, I don't believe a word.

I am alone

There is no more to this, I know.

I won't make it out,

I won't live to tell. 

Just tell me once and for all, 

I am just a number now.

I am number four. 

I will be an old story to your future

love.

Tell me you don't want me

Tell me you don't want to see me

Tell me you hate me forever

Tell me I disgust you to death

Tell me You wish you never knew me

Maybe then you could finally scrap me off yourself.

Until then. I dare to be stupid

And hope for the better tomorrow.

Dear God, the only thing I ask...

Dear God,

The only thing I ask of you,

Is to forgive me while I'm

Not so well

When I'm much too far away.

I really need you by my side right now.

Cause I'm tired,

And I'm lonely,

And I'm missing him

Once again.

Gravedigger

I like how easily you
Are able to dig a hole
And toss

Pictures
Laughs
Tears
Letters
Songs

inside it and leave
Forever.

You blindfold me
And tell me to move
Away.

But I do not walk away.
I sit stubbornly
Waiting for you
To help me dig up again.

I lift a shovel and wander
Around trying to desperately save
Those pieces that were beautiful
To Me
And you.

But now they are filthy
And you cannot trust
to Hope anymore.

So I'll continue to wait
For you to come and help
Because I still stupidly believe
Revival is still within hope.

I dance around with a blindfold
With a shovel and toss dirt
All over the place.

People laugh, point, and groan.
You merely hide your face
And Wish you never knew me.

Row Away

You shoved me out to sea alone this time

I kept rowing back to you.

You kept shoving me out to sea alone.

I rowed back with a smile and a hand
Ready in agreement.

You frowned at my jesture.

You turned off the Lighthouse

This time, go as far as you can.

My smile slid down my face
As I asked if you'd at least
Say
Goodbye.

You turned around
Without a word
Back to your Lighthouse.

I blinked hard and shoved off.

Cause I love you more
Than I did before
And if I never see your face,
Things will change,
Though no one takes your place,
It'll get harder everyday.

I said I love you more than I did before.

And I'm sorry it ended this way.

And I'm rowin' alone
I'm rowin' alone

And if you tell me I will stay
Away.

Away.

Your Fault

Kamina died tonight.

He was murdered.

You shoved him far enough
Into the dark that he was too blind
To see the gun at his head.

Here's his towel
And his shirt,
His coat,
Letters.

Pieces that you hold onto too tightly.

Even now,
like those foolish brothers,
You desperately try to transmute
Life

Back into these scraps left behind.

What about the soul?

Will your blood be enough?

Will your prayers be answered?

You stand back and watch the lights flash
The ground shake
The rumblings of an angry flesh
Emerging from your mess.

It howls
And growls

Bites
And spits

At its creator.

"Kamina?"

It lunges at you
Snarls and glares.

Why did you bring this out of me?

It runs its claw along your jawline
Then slashes across your chest
Lets you bleed while you cry
It grins.

Know my pain.

He scurries

Into the night.

You chase

after your man.

You shout its name
It comes

You smile
It glares

You reach out
It bites

You reach out again
It slashes your wrists

Don't you chase me
Or I will make sure it is more
than your wrists that bleed next time.

Open Graves

Forgive me.

I snuck back into our closet.

unlocked

unchained

untied

unfolded

unleashed

Crumpled pieces of paper,
Singed with smoke
From the cigarrette

I smoked that night.

After the slams
The screams
The quiet tears
I cried
and
You ignored.

Not much has changed.

After the slam
The screams
The loud tears
I cried
and
You ignored.

I hold onto those pieces of paper
and write on them again the secrets
we tried so hard to ship away
but they kept returning
to our mailbox.

Now you don't even check
the inbox because it is too much
to see ourselves from 3 years ago.

So, I go alone to pick up
the letters
that are heavy to hold
and painful to bear.

Sir, would you please take these and burn them.

M'am, your memories are all there.

Sir, and it is better to have never loved
than lose it all in one night.

Stumbled in the Dark

Long ago on your silver steed,
We rode far into a sunset
Filled
Dreams
Hopes
Life

But I guess the sunset turned to dusk
Dusk turned to dark
Dark turned us around.

We stumbled
We fell
We stepped all over ourselves
And our hearts.

It's too bad we never
looked for a light
to turn us back around

First Prize

Your head hones
The sounds of her
Voice.

Your eyes excited
By everything she
Shows.

Her head blessed
With a golden crown.

My head cursed
With raven feathers.

Her eyes outshine
The sun.

My eyes eclipsed
By the moon.

Her smile brilliant
And shimmers with
Soft lips.

My smile bland
And forces itself
Across my face.

I do not have to think
Long

To understand why a prize
showered

In Gold
In Silver
In Shimmer
In White

Is the desirable choice.

I fought with my words
My eyes
My gesture of kindness.

But it will never amount
To the Medal of Pride
You deserve.

A 4 Year Dream

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.
Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

To Escape Never-Ever Land

And why'd I sing Hallelujah?
If it meant nothing to ya?

Are you not mine
Everything.

Are you not mine
All.

Who else is there in Heaven or Earth,
but You?

Why am I still wallowing
In Peter Pan's Neverland?

I am a lost girl,
I won't ever grow up,
To be a woman.

It's easy to distract
With games
With gambles,
With greed,
With grime.

I can dance
With my Shadow
All day and night.

I can chase It to all the ends
Of the World.
And like a wild-goose
It'll have me end
Up where I began.

With myself.

Is that my life?
Is that my everything?
Is that the beginning
and End?

I choose to walk away from my Shadow.
I choose to walk forward.

Until I am a woman
Who can walk straight
Please,

Take my hand
Walk with your little girl,
Until her Shadows are no more.

Colors Tell Time

Sometimes I slow down
When I see that Yellow Light
Flash.

I slide on the break and ease
To a
Stop.

But this time,
I tried to speed through
It.

I tried to control
The fact I was too slow to make
It.

The Red Light Flashed
Suddenly.

I wasn't ready and slammed
the break
Hard.

I lurched foward
In my seat
Bang.

My head hirt the steering wheel
And I am knocked out
Cold.

My Car spins around and faces
Traffic coming at it
Fast.

My forehead bleeds
My heart stops
Now.

I wake up in a dream
My eyes open
Wide.

Why did you turn on the Red Light?
Why didn't you let me go
Through.

You thought you could outrun
My Clock,
Stupid.

Now, you must sit
And Wait
And Watch
And Wade
And Wander
And Wish
And Want
And Wallow
And Whince
And Whine
And Whisper

Prayers for a Green Light
Know it will come.

I open my eyes again.
I am in a hospital
bed.

My head hurts,
My heart aches,
My spirit cries.

Prayers for a quick recovery,
prayers for a green light,
prayers for a better tomorrow.

Our Song Ain't a Slammin' Screen Door, But it Was Inevitable

Let me be the one
Who calls you baby
All the time,

And when you're in doubt,
and when you're in danger,
Take a look all around,
and I'll be there.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons were changing
And waves were crashing
And stars were falling all for us
Days grew longer and nights grew shorter
You did show me, I could be the one
Somehow...
And Until then,

I'll fly, fly across the sky
And I'll leave, I'll leave it all behind
If you'll be here, here with me tonight
And

I'll hold my breath
And lose the feeling
The I'm on my own.

Do you remember when we were just kids
And cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss
Schoolyard conversations taken to heart
And laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not
I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.
Because I think of how my mistakes
Have made your heart break
So baby, I'm, baby I'm here.

While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there,
back where I'd love to be.

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you,
Is to hold me now that he's not around
Because I pushed away.

Did he leave me when he found me,
And now I wish'd I stayed.

Are you lonely?
Cause I'm tired.
Are you missing me again- oh no-
You're not.

You used to say,
Take a look at my girlfriend,
She's the only one I got.
But now, she's not much of a girlfriend,
Thank God, now that she's not.

So, I beg. I plead:

Please don't throw me away
Cause I'm still here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay
So, I guess I dare to dream.
I dare to wonder,
Dare to hope

To be your last first kiss.

Until then,
I'll disappear, take flight on the wind of wishing you were here
Fading light, like a star whose life has been gone for years.

What the chalkboard said

 I guess those times that you loved so much:

Sitting on a speckled couch;
Driving through the W-burger place;
Curling up side by side
Watching that Island change those lives;
Cruising with the windows down;
Singing our songs:
The Promise,
Smother Me,
Momentum...

Those times.
So far ago.
Though so many smiles,
So many laughs,
So many tears,
So many smirks,
So many jeers,
So many jokes,
So many squeals,
So many snorts,
So many sighs,
So many pleas,
So many - So many- So many.

Yet, you are able to erase
All.

You took your hand and smeared
It Across the Universe
And then turned away from the board.
Then told me to deal with it all.

I look at the chalk and pastels
The colors blurred all together
The good with the bad
The happy with the sad.

I want to understand it.
I want to try to re-write it.
I want to care about it.

You tell me to move on.
But how can I when three years are nothing
But smears on a chalkboard.

I'm not angry.
I'm not mad.

I just don't understand
How a man who loved so much
Can so easily wipe away those moments
And never even look back.